Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
