did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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