I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
