I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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