Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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