You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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