Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The power of my boobs compel you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
