It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
