It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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