im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
