sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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