I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
