so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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