You can't special order awesome
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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