I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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