i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They have beer where we have blood.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
