My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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