my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
