I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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