ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
