The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
