Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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