making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I love having hate sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
