I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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