i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
