Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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