I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize