Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
