Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
