thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
