I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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