he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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