My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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