do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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