"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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