Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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