I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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