Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
