The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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