speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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