Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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