The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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