When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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