what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
