you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
