Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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