She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
