i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
