Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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