I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
