He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
