yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
