you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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