What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You took a bar mat shot.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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