'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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