On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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