dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
