He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pants are for mortals
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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