so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
