Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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