his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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