i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
