Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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