My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
