i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
