so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
