It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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